The emptiness I feel is overwhelming. I do not enjoy discussing my feelings, much less thinking of them…but I suppose it must be done to keep one sane. I have a lot to be thankful for, though, I often find myself letting my darkness consume me. Where most see a future, I see nothing.
Depression is crippling. It stunts all growth if you allow it to and I have. I’ve allowed it to take over my mind, body and soul. My only true achievement is overcoming the demon that is cutting. I, however, will say that I’ve come along way and counselling would surely be beneficial.
I do not enjoy it here. Listening to Kayla talk about nonsense that could be easily resolved is rather tedious. The thoughtful, caring side of me acknowledges her lack of communication with other human beings results in this. But there are times where I want to shake her. The level of stupidity is astounding… Her depression to me seems situational and brought on mostly by her inability to learn from previous mistakes. If she were able to see through the false haze of love that blinds her, she’d escape it all. That… is unlikely.
I do appreciate her letting me stay and at least trying… nonetheless. Certain things just need to change.
I’m unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. I, however, find myself doubting. Always doubting. One could say it’s lack of trust but I believe it to be my mental health. He’s perfectly flawed. Beautiful in ways the human vocabulary cannot explain. Will he find someone better, fall for someone better? Are his feelings truly genuine? Things along those lines. They’re all quite silly but it’s my reality.
I could write for hours but I realize work at this moment in time is important. And working on no sleep is very rough.
Cheers to attempting sleep!